Okay so I am SUPER famous. Heads turn when I walk in the room. No really. I am the mom who walks in a crowded room, and everyone knows I am there. Not because I am really, really, ridiculously good looking (ha if only). No ma’am…. it’s because I am the mom of the little boy who is more than likely crying when we walk into a room full of people about 75% of the time.
Is it because he wants to make his presence known? Maybe because he wants to see how I will handle the situation? Could it be anxiety with crowds or unknown settings or because he doesn’t have the words to express himself? Who knows the exact reason. The fact is he is MY son, and there is so much more to him.
He is absolutely, hands down, the most handsome thing I have ever laid eyes on. The spitting image of his father. He is the little boy who walks up to the elderly man on the bench and gives him a high five because he knows he needs it. The boy who says “olive you mama” and makes my heart flip so fast it scares me. The angel who comes to his sisters rescue when she can’t seem to find her favorite babydoll. The little boy who crawls in my lap and hugs me so tight as if he is transferring his love for me through his little arms. The one who makes me laugh when he can tell life is dragging me through the mud. He is my firstborn. My favorite little boy. He is mine.
His crying is a way of communicating with me. It is his way…. the way he has been communicating since the day he was born. It is the communication that I never ended…. that has now become a habit. It is a habit I wish I would have crushed a long time ago.
How do I know it is a habit? Well….. he doesn’t cry at school. Nada. Not even a little. It is me. Crying is very normal for him, and when it comes to me…. it is his way of communication. Recognizing his language delay has helped me see the real route issue.
Things I have done to help minimize the whining:
– Since he isn’t talking well, I realized he didn’t have the words to communicate his feelings and felt like crying is the only way. When I gave him the words and showed him I understood his feelings, he would stop crying right on the spot. For instance, just yesterday he was crying because he couldn’t get his Spiderman on his lego motorcycle (his world was totally crushed). I mean he was hysterically crying. As soon as I said, “Brooks are you upset because you can’t get Spiderman to sit on his motorcycle.” He stopped. No… like really. He immediately pumped the breaks on the water works and said, “Yes mama”. Right then…. he realized I knew how he felt. He didn’t have to cry anymore.
-Recently I have realized I truly need to push Brooks to talk (I know. I know. How in the heck am I just now realizing this?). Recognizing he didn’t have the words to express his emotions (leading to crying to be his one option in his mind), I have helped him find the words. Yesterday he got frustrated because he couldn’t open the snack door which led to whining. Instead of helping him on his whine command, I helped him with the words. Here is how it went: “Brooks ask me to help you.” He stopped crying. I slowly said the words as he repeated each word, “Mama… can… you… help… me…please?” He repeated each word. After the sentence was complete, I immediately said, “Yes Brooks I will.” Doing this is slowly helping him realize that asking is the answer and not whining.
-When we go into an unknown place with a lot of unfamiliar faces, Brooks at times gets super nervous and his first reaction is to cry. Part of him must feel my anxiety as well which makes the situation worse. In that moment, there is nothing I can do to help either one of us; therefore, I start all over. There are times I will literally pick him up and walk out of the room. I sit on the floor with him and talk about what we are going to do before we reenter the room or building. Just last week we went into a smaller room full of adults and kids. My son started to cry hysterically which led my daughter to cry. I knew I had to exit the situation. I walked both of the kids into the hall and sat down to talk to them. I explained that we will be going into the room again with nice people to play. I described how much fun it will be since the room is full of toys and baby dolls (they didn’t even get a chance to see what was in the room because of their nervousness). After a few minutes, we walked back into the room with all smiles. Sometimes kids need to ease into situations.
-Some of the whining is derived from me babying him way too much. I did it all for him. He never really had to ask nor needed a thing. Even walking down the steps, my hand was waiting for him to grab. Allowing him to grow and do things without my help has a made a huge difference. His confidence is gradually growing.
All kids are different which is what makes them beautiful….. In their own way marking the world with their unique print.
Proverbs 23:24 The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.
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