When I decided I would be a stay at home mom, I envisioned me and my baby playing in a perfect setting full of unicorns and rainbows… hearing the sounds of giggles and sweet coos. Even though those are the perks… It is not reality. I am about to really share my struggles… And humble myself.
First of all, I wouldn’t change my life for anything in the world…. I LOVE being home with my babies… And I never take a moment for granted with them and cannot imagine a life where I cannot spend it with them. I’m blessed beyond measure and realize that… But there are days where I struggle emotionally.
Struggle #1– Let’s just talk about patience here. I taught middle school students… Students who thought they were grown and wanted to test me all too many times.. Well let’s just say, they were a piece of cake. Crazy huh…. A class full of 24 middle school students seemed easier than 2 toddlers… I thought I had patience before… But there are days I have to question if the word even existed. My kids can be the sweetest two human beings in the whole wide world, but when they whine… They WHINE! And when there is nothing I can do to end the never ending sounds…. It eats my insides. Seriously the only way I am still alive from their whines not completely obliterating me is Christian music and headphones!!! Thank you Third Day for helping me make it thru my motherhood of toddlers!
Struggle #2– Confidence!! I heard Meaghan Trainors’s new song “Me Too” and knew there was no way she stays at home. First of all….you definitely do not have time to get yourself presentable unless you wake up at the crack of dawn.. in my case … 5:45. Most days are no makeup and a baseball hat. I may sneak on some makeup when the kids nap, and that’s if by some miracle the dishes are already clean. Staying home also gives me more time to think…. and more time for the devil to work his way into my mind! “How does my husband love me like this?”, “My gut is bigger than my kids whole body”, “Seriously…. I haven’t bathed in two days and pretty sure I smell as bad as the bag full of diarrhea diapers!” And the list goes on and on! No money for new clothes, make-up, and my roots are down to my ears before I even get it done. The confidence level is non existence. (If you are looking for a good read and to boost your confidence, Joyce Meyer’s book “The Confident Woman” is a GREAT READ!! I’ve read it twice and need to read it again!!)
Struggle #3– I’m home bound! I have been at home so much that I don’t even enjoy getting out. Especially by myself! Don’t get me wrong… I love getting out at least once a day, or the kids start growling like hounds. But as far as me getting out for me… doesn’t happen. I have friends asking me to go on trips or just get out of the house… nope… I rather stay home with the kids. I feel like I’m from The Burbs (if you haven’t seen this movie, rent that baby. It’s old but a classic). Neighbors are probably wondering what goes on in my house… They hear screaming, but no one ever escapes. I’m content with it being just us, and it’s hard to accept anything different.
Struggle #4– Money is definitely not raining in our house. We struggle every month, which means my stress level is always thru the roof when the money topic comes up! I honestly do not know how we have survived this far, but for the Grace of God and grandparents helping! We want to do for the kids. We want to make memories with trips, buy them the best of the best, but it’s not in our cards right now and that’s ok. God is good, and I trust him with it all. We do what we can and don’t what we can’t. Most importantly.. we may not have the benjamins, but I have a dang good family and house full of love!
#Struggle 5– Queen said it best “Pressure pushing down on me!” I feel the pressure everyday to do it all. Even though I slack in a lot of areas especially the cooking department (sorry babe!), I feel the house must always be clean… groceries shopping must always be done… clothes should be clean and folded… Etc! Staying at home can be hard because at times I feel like I have to prove myself… prove I’m not just sitting here watching soap operas. It can be exhausting!
At the end of the day after the kids are sleeping, I lay in my bed thinking about our day… Looking at pictures and truthfully missing my kids. They may be hard at times, but the snuggles, kissing boo boos , contagious giggles, warm hugs, and our heart tugging moments we have together will never be taken for granted! Staying home with these babies is a blessing I thank God for each and every day.
Psalms 34: 17-18 – When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
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