I have prayed my entire life, but it wasn’t until the day our nurse told us that she thought I had a miscarriage that I realized I haven’t been praying like I thought.
I remember the day like it was yesterday… Brent and I went for our first ultrasound for our second baby. We were six weeks in or so we thought. I laid down eager to hear my baby’s sweet heartbeat! Eager to hear the most beautiful sound in the world! As the nurse squeezed the cold gel on my stomach, I held my breath. I waited for her to make statements like “there’s that sweet pea!” “Look at that sweet baby!” “Congratulations!” Instead we heard nothing but silence. When she finally spoke… the most treacherous words came out of her mouth, “I cannot find the heartbeat. More than likely it was a miscarriage.” She said these words as if she was reading a novel she had read for the 100th time. No emotion…. just words. My heart fell, and I couldn’t comprehend the feelings I was having. My husband and I were silent. It was like we were waiting on her to change her answer.
Our nurse then directed us to go see our OB upstairs, so he could look at the pictures and give us a second opinion. Praying all the way to our OB…hoping it was a mistake… waiting what seemed like HOURS before we could actually hear words of hope.
The messenger of hope finally walked through the doors of our cold patient room. I tried to read his face, but I think doctors have some kind of class in medical school that teaches them to have a blank face at all times. When our OB finally spoke he suggested it could possibly be too early and maybe we got the dates wrong, so he scheduled for us to come back for an ultrasound the following week.
A FULL WEEK OF WAITING equals a FULL WEEK OF PRAYING! Every second counted.
When I say the week was full of prayers…. I mean I literally fell to my knees every chance I got… praying God would have a different answer for us… praying if it was a miscarriage that I will have peace and turn to him. I PRAYED AND I PRAYED!
Then something miraculous happened that I have never experienced before. I was laying in my bed and heard something say my name. When I say “heard” I heard someone say my name in my soul. I cannot even explain it. It woke me up, and I quickly looked around my room of complete darkness expecting to see my son or my husband hovering over me. Instead I felt a wave of peace run through my body as I heard “you are having a girl, and she is okay.” Like I said…. I heard it in my soul. I know that sounds VERY ODD… but I know the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. I am going to admit that it seemed crazy to me since I had never had an experience like this before… so part of me questioned… “Was that real? Did I make that up in my mind?” But in my heart I KNEW it was Him…. and I knew after this that I haven’t been truly 100% praying until that moment. The prayers I prayed for my daughter were not rehearsed or robotic, but they were real prayers.. different than I’ve ever prayed before. I gave it to God, and he heard me.
Finally it was the day we had to go back… I knew I was okay…I knew it was a girl. And sure enough… there it was. The words I have been striving to hear “I found the heartbeat! Look at that sweet nugget!” I cannot even explain the emotions I had at that very moment. I remember going to the restroom and falling to my knees thanking God over and over! And months later… we found out…our baby was sure enough a girl!
I often look at my daughter and am reminded of that scare…. the scare of losing someone I loved before I even set eyes on her. For those woman who have experienced this… my heart goes out to you. I know experiences we face only make us strong and lean more in the arms of our Heavenly Father. But even knowing that…definitely doesn’t make it easier. To think there are so many lonely wonders out there… walking around with no purpose because they do not believe in Him..breaks my heart! He is REAL and without Him… I cannot imagine how dark ones life must be! Having God by our side is the only way to find peace.
1 Corinthians 14:15 What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also.
James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
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