Confidence. The word by itself is so powerful. It affects our hearts…our minds…our souls…our attitudes. I have struggled with self worth for years. Fighting off the demons who whisper,”You are a bad mom, a horrible wife, and an unattractive woman.” It is a constant battle. A battle I want to protect my children from as much as I possibly can.
There will be obstacles my children will face that will throw daggers at their confidence, but I pray now and forever they will ultimately love who they are.
Building confidence starts at home, and I want to do all I can as a mother to help build that confidence in my children. It starts with a simple word, an example, and quality time with our little people.
TELL THEM THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL
I tell my kids EVERYDAY how beautiful they are. I compliment their long eyelashes (that I want to borrow and glue on my eyes), gorgeous healthy hair, flawless skin (I finally get the saying “smoother than a babies bottom”), and pretty much everything they have going for them (trust me… they have a lot going for them).
COMPLIMENT THEIR UNIQUE PERSONALITIES
I remember my mom always saying, “I love you the same. Just in different ways”. I never truly understood. I thought she was just making up a line honestly…until my two babies were born. My kids are so very different (one is a dare devil and one is as cautious and careful as you can be). My heart turns the same amount of circles for both of them…. I love Harper will take chances…. and I love how I can trust Brooks to be careful. I compliment their shining personalities multiple times a day…
“Harper I love how motherly you are when you take care of your babies. You have me beat in motherhood girl!”
“Brooks, the way you brought your sister her juice when you knew she was thirsty was so kind! I am proud of the sweet heart you have.”
The smile they give me shines through their whole being. It changes them even when we think it may not mean much. Just today I whispered in my son’s ear at church, “I am so proud of you and love you very very much.” He melted my heart by glancing up at me with his dark brown eyes and smile that would knock you off your feet. It’s in that moment that I knew I am doing something right.
REMIND THEM THEY WILL WIN SOME AND LOSE SOME
I want my kids to know they will not win it all. They will be good at a lot of things but definitely not all things. It is hard as moms to tell our kids they aren’t the BEST at everything, but if we did… they will eventually be awaken with reality… then what? We tell them the world is lying to them? They will continue to go down a path of indefinite let downs. We praise them at their strengths and be their shoulder when they face their loses.
BE A CONFIDENT PARENT
GOSH this is hard for me! Even if we have lacked this trait, we now have to be strong enough to fight against it. If I want my kids to be confident, I have to show them what it looks like. That means taking care of myself…. that means focusing on my strengths…. that means reminding myself God did not make a mistake when he created me. Stand up tall for your kids. They will learn more from watching you.
COVER THEM WITH LOVE AND TIME
To make our children feel worthy, we have to show them they are worthy to the very two people who helped create them. Parents are the strongest impact on their children when they are young. They need us to help them find their strengths, their beauty they hold within as well as on the outside, and the way to show them is to love them. Giving our kids QUALITY time is so crucial. It shows them we LOVE to hang out with them because they are freaking awesome!
ENCOURAGE THEM TO TRY NEW THINGS
Kids will go through life figuring out they won’t be good at everything or even enjoy everything they are good at. As parents, we need to encourage them to try again. Just because they kicked the ball a mile away from the soccer goal does not mean they cannot get it half a mile closer next time. We need to remind them practice can make them better. That trying again after failing makes a stronger man than the man who quit after his first failure. That even Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team and come on… it’s MICHAEL JORDAN. Proverbs 24:16 For a righteous man falls seven times and rises gain.
TEACH THEM TO BE THEIR OWN BEAUTIFUL
Beauty is found in a number of ways. We may find it in a kind smile, a genuine heart, beautiful hair, flawless skin, or even a rare talent. Personally, I find beauty in the heart. The most beautiful women I know are the women that are God fearing, genuine woman who always look at the glass half full. The point is we have to be our own beautiful… not what the world claims is beauty. We are all beautiful in our own ways…. no one has it all. I want to teach my kids to go against the odds and shine. Shine in God’s love…. shine in the beauty he blessed them with.
LET THEM BE INDEPENDENT
It can be very hard as a new mom to let the leash out a little. We always want to have our kids right by us to protect them at all times (I am the world’s worst). Even though there is obvious times we need to be their bubble wrap, there are more times we need to let them discover who they are. Times we need to trust them to figure things out on their own. It gives them a sense of ownership and independence. There are times my son will cry for me to help him over and over (times I KNOW he can do it by himself), and as easy as it would be to just do it ….sometimes I wait. When he figures it out….. all I hear is a high pitch voice in excitement. ” I DID IT!!” As I respond with, “I knew you could do it! You are smart!” Every single time he hears this that little boy stands a little more taller.
FOCUS ON ABOVE AND NOT ON EARTHLY THINGS
Teaching my kids about God is so important to me. As hard as it is for me to remember myself, I want to teach my kids to keep their eyes on what’s above and what’s to come. That one day their eternity will be with Him if they believe…. that whatever happens on Earth doesn’t hold a candle to their end destination. Keeping this in mind, teaches not only us but our kids that just because we have failures, make mistakes, and may not have everything the human heart desires…. that we have Him…. and that is something to be proud about.
BE THEIR BIGGEST CHEERLEADER
I never made the cheerleading team in high school (totally not coordinated enough), but now I can stand proud and consider myself a pretty strong cheerleader. I don’t care what my kids do (whether it be small or big in their eyes), I will be the loudest and happiest fan in the crowd! Praising their accomplishments, standing up for my kids in the stands, and cheering my heart out….I will do it all! They are my wolf pack…my teammates in life. I will be that annoying mom who they will want to sit down…. but in their hearts they will never forget… I got them!
Colossians 3:2 – Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth.
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